


Lost Chances

by pearsonasnic



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, F/F, Mentions of CS, More angst, Pain, Self harm kinda, no happy ending, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 03:59:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7559266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pearsonasnic/pseuds/pearsonasnic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma's getting married and Regina can't bear it so it sends her into a very dark place. Very angsty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost Chances

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one-shot and it is not happy, just a warning for anyone who doesn't want to read this type of fic. This is just something I needed to write to get out some emotions but still wanted to share.

Pain and hurt and more pain. There were more emotions in the jumbled mess of Regina’s brain, but those were the ones at the very surface. Uncontrollable tears and sobs wracked her body. She clung to herself as if she could pull herself back together if she just held on tight enough.

She was currently in a heap on her vault floor, hiding from the world and everyone in it, especially a certain blonde who’d stolen her heart. Today had been the worst day.

This started months ago at Granny’s when a certain pirate got down on his knee in front of Emma,  _her_ Emma. She’d felt the first of many crushing emotions. It was a slap in the face. She had known she had felt more for Emma than as just a friend but she’d also been burying it deep down for far too long.

Everything had come rushing to the surface right there and then. When Emma had smiled and accepted, well that was just a kick to the gut. Everyone else had rushed to congratulate the happy couple, but she couldn’t move, it took a lot of effort to keep a mask over her face and to not reveal the utter wave of despair that had crashed into her.

For the rest of the evening, she’d pretended that everything was fine though she was certainly more distant. It wasn’t till she’d gotten home and Henry was in bed that she’d broken, collapsed and let everything go. She’d made it to her bedroom which was soundproofed by magic and screamed and cried and screamed some more. Then she’d drank till she couldn’t feel and had passed out in the early hours of the morning.

Since that day she’d had many a night like that one, she needed it just so she could then go out and pretend that everything was fine. Why had she not realised sooner? Why had she pushed down her feelings and not just accepted them? There had been many moments where something could have happened. Moments where she’d find herself so close to Emma that their lips could touch if one of them dared to move in.

That could never happen now, and neither of them had ever talked about those moments. There’d be a sudden realisation of how close they were, and then it was over, they’d pretend it never happened. Now it couldn’t ever happen.

The wedding had been today. She’d gone, of course, and put on a happy face whilst underneath it all she felt like she was suffocating. So that’s why she was where she was now. In her vault and passed the point of holding on anymore. The wedding wasn’t even over, everyone else was still celebrating, but she couldn’t do it anymore. Couldn’t keep going on pretending like she was fine.

The anger came quite suddenly, anger at him, anger at Emma and anger at herself. Mostly at herself for ending up in this mess in the first place. For letting another person have this much control over her own happiness.

She stood abruptly, breathing hard with tears still coming. Before she even realised what she was doing she had raised a fist and struck the mirror hanging on the wall in front of her. Blood gushed through her fingers, and she didn’t even care. There was momentary sweet relief from her emotional pain, and the physical pain in her hand took over.

  
“Regina.”

She whirled around to see Emma who was standing there with her eyes wide in shock and for some strange reason all Regina could do was laugh. It was a bitter cold laugh that did not last long.

Regina spoke out bitterly, “of course you’re here now.”

“I saw you leave and wanted to make sure you were ok.”

Emma’s eyes were far too soft and pleading, she couldn’t bear to look at her. “Yes dear, I’m perfectly fine.”

The younger woman flinched slightly at the harsh tone but still did not leave which irritated Regina beyond compare.

“Leave, I want to be alone.”

A sigh escaped Emma’s lips. “I’m not leaving you, not like this Regina, you’re bleeding.”

Regina just huffed in response and Emma moved forward till she was directly in front of her. They had not been this close since before the proposal, she had made every attempt at keeping her distance, not needing to make everything worse than it already was.

Emma reached out cautiously, gently taking hold of Regina’s bleeding hand. A warmth spread between them as Emma used her magic to heal, but even when that was done she didn’t let go.

“Regina, I’m sorry.” She was frowning hard, and there were even tears in her eyes.

“For what?” She was puzzled, what did the blonde have to be sorry for?

Emma sucked in a breath of air before speaking, “for not talking to you sooner.”

Regina was still confused, and her befuddlement was evident on her face.

“I’m sorry that we didn't get a chance, that we didn’t talk about us and now it's too late.”

“What?” Regina breathed out, not entirely understanding or daring to think what it was the blonde was actually saying.

“Oh Regina,” Emma used the hand that was not holding Regina’s to cup the brunettes face and use her thumb to wipe away the tears that were still falling. “Don’t you know, I’ve always loved you, but…” It took a while for her to say the next words because they were going to hurt the both of them so badly. “I’m going to be with him, we can’t ever be together.”

Those words were crushing, but despite herself, she leaned into Emma’s hand that was still on her face and then there was another of those moments. A moment where they had somehow found themselves so close that their lips were nearly touching but this time instead of pulling away, their lips connected.

It was beautiful, their lips moving together as if they had found the place they belonged. It was a soft kiss, charged with so many unsaid words and intense emotions. It was true love. Both women wanted the moment to last forever but sadly it was over far too quickly, and when they broke apart they both gazed into the other's eyes before Emma broke the spell and turned to leave.

Regina just stood there watching Emma go, only just managed to choke out the words, “I love you.”

Emma didn’t stop, and Regina was alone again. Except now she was left with an empty hollow feeling deep inside her. She desperately wanted everything to end right there and then and if it was not for Henry she probably would have ended it all.

Instead, she slid down a wall and stared blankly ahead, feeling everything and reliving that sweet, sweet kiss over and over. Right there and then she knew she would never feel happy, never get her happy ending because her happy ending had just walked out the door.


End file.
